Before the Vows

Three free modules for the weeks after the proposal: everyone’s questions, keeping the marriage in view while the wedding takes over, and an honest check that you are ready, not just excited.

• Engaged, and Suddenly Everyone Has QuestionsA phase, not a waiting room · Thirty-one people, one question · Who hears it first · The standard answer · Decided by two
• The Wedding Is One Day. The Marriage Is the Rest.The wedding that ate the engagement · Wedding version, marriage version · No centerpieces after seven · Studying for the right exam · Something will go wrong, beautifully
• Ready, or Just Excited?Butterflies are not a plan · Seen at your worst · The wrong reasons, gently · Not an audition · Ready, not yet, or ready with homework

The budget before the venue, the guest list peace talks and dividing the planning so it rehearses the marriage instead of straining it.

• The Budget Comes Before the VenueNumbers before chandeliers · Whose money, and what comes with it · Fund the overlap · The wedding should not outlive the cake · A rehearsal with real money
• The Guest List Peace TalksIt was never about the chairs · The number comes first · Three circles and some policies · One voice per family · Cuts without casualties
• Two Planners, One WeddingThe manager and the consultant · Own it, don’t help with it · Who decides what · Twenty minutes, then stop · A dress rehearsal for the house

Listening well enough to pass a test, meeting each other’s fighting styles and drafting who does what before habits decide it for you.

• Listening Like There Will Be a TestFluent, until it matters · To understand, not to reply · “So what I’m hearing is…” · The speaker has homework too · Taking turns, on purpose
• Your Fighting Styles, IntroducedVolcanoes, freezers and other weather · The moves that do damage · The timeout, done properly · Repair, and the apology without a “but” · Rules written while you like each other
• Who Does What, Before It’s a HabitNaturally, according to whom? · The work nobody sees · Two careers, one calendar · The first draft · Review once the boxes are unpacked

The families you grew up in, boundaries with your future in-laws, and friends, exes and everyone else.

• The Family You Grew Up InThe first textbook · Mapping the old country · Keep, change, invent · In your family, in mine · Karaoke, with handshakes
• Future In-Laws, Present BoundariesLeaving home, staying close · A boundary is about you · Your family, your phone call · Keys, visits and other small treaties · Kindness, with edges
• Friends, Exes and Everyone ElseFriends are not a phase · Tuesdays, Thursdays and Gus · The ex who picks the novels · Phones, posts and passwords · When your people don’t click

Full financial disclosure, money personalities and a first-draft money system, and the unromantic paperwork that protects you both.

• Full Financial Disclosure (Bring Snacks)Why the numbers come before the vows · Documents, not impressions · The money you grew up with · The face you make · Yours, mine and a line called Joy
• Spender, Saver, SpreadsheetFive ways to feel about a dollar · What the money is for · Joint, separate or a bit of both · Rules of the road · The monthly money date
• Prenups, Paperwork and Other Romantic GesturesLegally, you need more than a dress code · What’s in a name, and on a passport · The prenup conversation · The admin that protects you · Admin as a love language

Children, intimacy and the values, faith, careers and places that shape the next ten years.

• Children: Yes, No, How Many, WhenSomeday is not a date · How many, how soon, and what if · The parents you had · When you want different things · A plan with a review date
• Intimacy, Expectations and the Talk Before the HoneymoonThe conversation behind the joke · Where the script came from · Frequency, initiation and other awkward nouns · Seasons, not verdicts · Daylight, a blanket and two kinds of hummus
• Faith, Values and the Ten-Year SketchWhat you each live for · Faith, practiced and shared · Two careers, one map · Where, exactly? · Sketch, don’t blueprint

Planning for life off-script, writing vows you can keep and a flight plan for the morning after the wedding.

• When Life Goes Off-ScriptThe small print in “for worse” · Ovens, phones and other coping mechanisms · Rehearsing the bad weather · Help is not a failing grade · Plan B, with buttercream
• Vows You Can Actually KeepPromises, not a performance · “Always” is doing a lot of work · The worse, in writing · The fine print nobody else hears · Two minutes, one moon
• The Morning After the WeddingNine a.m., day one · The habits you built by accident · The first ninety days · Your greatest hits · Commencement, in one shoe